In The Living Years

Most people have a lifetime to build memories with the ones they love. I was denied that privilege. I was without my Dad for 49 years. Not even knowing of his existence for the first 18 years of my life. I know this is not a surprise for those of you who have chosen to follow my journey. I have to say it out loud to make sure it‘s real and that I’m not dreaming.

So here I am on my sixth trip to Thailand in 3 years. It sounds like a lot I know. But is it really? I grew up with a man I called 'Dad.' My biological grandfather. He was a great provider, gave me everything I ever wanted or needed; but do material things take the place of a Daddy’s love? I spent my life thinking it did. I didn’t know any different. Now I do.

A daddy’s love for his daughter is the purest, most unconditional love I have ever felt. He just loves you, wants nothing in return. It sounds like how God loves me. I don’t think I fully comprehended God’s love, until the day I felt the love of my earthly father. I met my dad on Valentine’s Day of 2017. We FaceTimed that evening after a long day of work. I was nervous, scared, and did not know what to expect. As the time drew closer to seeing his face and hearing his voice for the first time, it felt surreal. I felt I was living someone else’s life.

Not only did I gain my amazing daddy, but I also landed one of the best friends and kindest souls in my dad’s wife, Fay. She is lovely in every way. Without her, none of this love story would have happened. She was the catalyst that brought this beautiful story together. In the beginning, she translated for us, allowing us the communication we desperately needed. And she just happens to be a professional translator for movies and TV. How cool is that?! Such an awesome detail God took care of for us. He truly is in every detail of this journey so far.

Although this was what I'd been waiting for and dreaming of for 32 years, I still wasn't sure how any of this would turn out. Would he say "hi" and dismiss me soon after? Would we chat maybe twice a year and just 'stay in touch'? Both of us were paralyzed in fear. I will never forget the moment he came on the screen. The coolest cat I ever laid my eyes on. He was wearing a shirt with flames on it. Yes, flames! I was in love the moment I saw him. Initially, Fay did most of the talking. My Dad looked terrified, no doubt he was. It’s not every day your long lost, "love child" finds you from another country. LOL I can’t even imagine what he was going through.

After our initial 'hello’s' Fay said, “Your Dad has something he wants to say to you. He‘s been practicing his English so he can tell you how he feels.”

In his timid, nervous voice the first words I heard him say were...

“You are not a mistake. I am so sorry if you felt like you were.”

He could have just stopped right there. That's exactly how I felt. Those words released me from a lifetime of bondage. He didn’t think I was a mistake! He told me I was born out of pure love. Then he sang, "Here Comes The Sun", by the Beatles. I could have died right then and there. The tears flowed and my heart burst. Finally, this little girl was complete.

So, I will spend the rest of my life making every effort to spend time with the one who gave me life. I know our time is limited. There‘s no price tag on time. I feel an urgency to see him as much as I can while we are “In The Living Years.”