LISTEN, DO YOU WANT TO KNOW A SECRET

Do you promise not to tell?

This is how my life started. I was the secret. It‘s one thing to have a secret, and quite another to be the secret. I am on a daily journey to unpack exactly what that looks like. For one, I am astounded by the amount of work this is requiring of me, especially because I was more interested in fashion and music, rather than conjugating some darn verb! Some of my closest friends are stunned at my recent study habits, jokingly surprised at my newfound smarts, and passion for achieving my writing goals. 555 (that’s ”LOL” in Thai)

Knowing their hearts, I was able to laugh and accept this compliment. I knew in forth grade I was going to be a stylist and never wavered in that decision, so the pursuit of college wasn’t on my radar.

People say they would never want to go back to high school but my close friends say the opposite. We had our own Fast Times At Ridgemont High (and if you know the movie, you get my point), complete with Phoebe Cates, whom I’ve been told, I look like more times than I can count.

Searching for something back then, I found myself caught up and confused in the whirlwind of life; knowing something was severely wrong in my loving home. Being the youngest of five children and adopted from Hawaii; this reality, this truth, told to me by the family who loved me and took care of me, manifested a sense of uncertainty. Something always felt a little off about the details. Do we get to choose our family of origin or those who care for our daily needs? No.

I recently found an old journal, and as I opened the pages to peer inside, I discovered a common thread in my cries to God. I felt my heart breaking again as I read repeatedly those familiar reflections.

“Why? Why? Why?”

“Why do I have to be so lonely?“ “Why do I have to carry the weight of all this pain?“

“Why do people lie?”

“Why am I so flawed and broken?”

It’s a necessity and requirement to walk through not only the good, but the hard seasons of life, to craft us into who we are. Growth and wisdom must be the ultimate goal. Recently, God gave me a little nugget of truth.

“Dawn, if it’s My will, it will be done in My way and in My time. So rest.“

Processing this journey of finding my Thai family, coming face to face with the lie that was my life, is exhilarating and exhausting. My desire for creating new habits daily, setting goals and working diligently to be the best version of myself, is to share this complicated, miraculous journey God has graciously given me.

Before February 2017, you could find me on autopilot; living a good life. Sharing my highlight reel with the world through social media, walking through life with a smile on my face, but a longing in my soul. The definition of “longing” is, a yearning desire. Shrouded by this yearning desire, it robbed me of peace and shackled me to sadness.

Heavy huh? Let’s just say, sandwiched between that and menopause, I may have been a bit much. We will leave that right here!

This book will demand everything of me. God is holding my hand through it all, giving me courage to rise above the clouds and soar, to embrace my new life, my new Thai family and my heritage and culture.

Come with me on this journey...I’ll be telling lots of secrets. Listen, but promise you’ll tell!